Twisted
by nevermindamy
Summary: Rated M for strong language and violence. Paxton Lynne is a little off and everyone's determined to either fix her or stay away from her. Lance corporal Rivaille can't seem to decide which one he wants for her, but like everyone is curious about her disturbing past. (Rivaille/Levi x OC)
1. Prolougue

Prolougue: I Was Only Nine.

Everything was perfect that day. The whole entire day was mine. The only thing weird was that I was alone in my house for the first time ever. Understand that at this time I was only nine, so having the house to myself was a big step for me. I was at the front steps to the door to being a woman. Nothing excited me more than the idea of growing up. Please, note again that I was only nine. I didn't understand how cruel the world was. Especially outside the walls that contained us and kept us safe from the Titans.

Anyhow, that day my parents had gone out for a job somewhere in Wall Maria, and said that they'd be back at around dinner time. I knew that they weren't going out for a job, they were going out to get drunk and most likely come back to hit and yell at me. I was too happy to even care about that though because in the end they are my parents and I love them; and they love me too. They'll always come to their senses and say they're sorry. You'd think that that's awful, but it's not actually. I actually didn't mind because like I said they love me too. But, I was only nine, how could I have known that they actually never wanted me.

Everything was going as it should have that day. I went out to get extra firewood just so that my parents could be somewhat proud of me and to show them that that I was independent. I wanted to hear them say, "Our darling Paxton Lynne. All grown up!" Of course that would never happened, but I would definitely have liked to hear them say it.

During my little venture I decided to go see the Survery Corps come back from their expedition outside the walls because I had time to kill. I'm not sure why I loved it, but I liked looking at their faces. They always leave with such hope in their eyes and come back with nothing but despair and a few soldiers. My parents thought that the Survery Corps were stupid because they make the wine prices higher and I think they're stupid too because they think so. Again, I was only nine.

Then a boy that I recognized from around town whose father was close with my family was watching them with sparkles in his eyes that turned into shock when the leader turned away from him with disappointment in his eyes. The boy was Eren Jaeger, son of Dr. Jaeger, and next to him was Mikasa Ackerman. I was jealous of Mikasa because she was so pretty and strong. All the boys feared her and loved her at the same time. I could tell however that her love belonged to Eren, but Eren was too blind to see it.

I've never really had a friend before. I've never had the courage to talk to anyone. So no one really knows who I am. I honestly would try to approach Eren, Mikasa, and their friend Armin, but I'm aware of some of their reputations. Even my parents don't want me around them. Especially Eren. So I actually started to become scared of Eren, Mikasa, and even Armin!

The two then disappeared around the corner and that was when I decided to make my way back home. It was starting to get late anyway and I only had a few hours until dinner time. On my way home I thought of the faces I had seen that day. I liked to look at people and again I'm not sure why. Their expressions fascinate me. My parents thought I was creepy for it, so they bought me an expensive sketch book to see if I could draw. It was fun to try and draw their faces. In fact, I was pretty proud of my first finished product, but my parents just laughed at it and me. From then on I stopped drawing. After that they scolded me about how expensive the sketch book was and to make use of it. They were drunk at that time, so they hit me a little and kicked me out of the house for awhile. During that time I went out and met an artist.

I showed him the drawing my parents had laughed at because he wanted to see it. He said it was really good for nine year old. He asked me who it was and replied that it was one of the soldiers coming back from their missions. His eyes then lit up with surprise and he asked if how I did it. Then I just said that I remembered his face. He then smiled at me and showed tricks and ways to make the drawing better. We stayed up drawing and such, and then he took me home. I felt proud of myself for not only making my drawing superb, but also making a friend. The sad thing is, I never saw him after that. He apparently moved to Wall Sina because his popularity was growing and it was a great opportunity to make more money.

Okay now, back to my walk back. The sun was beginning to set and I was rushing home with the fire wood I had collected. I was panicing because I had daydreamed too long and my parents would hae gotten there before me. Then suddenly a lightning struck outside Wall Maria. It was because it was there were no signs of a storm. It was just one strike of lightning. The horrifying thing was that a large hand grasped the wall and lifted it's face up over it. A titan.

Upon seeing this I rushed home as fast as I could. I was so close, but I knew the wall had been breached for the titan had kicked the wall causing a large whole to be formed. At any moment I would be eaten.

My house then came into view and my parents were already there and they were as I had predicted, drunk. I ran into the house and screamed at them to get out, that the titans were coming. All they did was well at me back. Asking why I was at home. They started to hit me again and I was crying because I was scared. After that everything went black. The next thing I knew I was holding a bloody kitchen knife and looking at my bloodied hands then peering over them to see the dead bodies of my parents. What had I done?

After that there was no time to think because a titan about three meters tall had stuck it's hand through our door and picked up the lifeless body of my mother and ate it. It was horrifying to see. He chewed right through her and blood splattered everywhere. I stabbed myself to knock some sense into myself before dropping it, ran upstairs, picked up my sketch book and pencils, and did something I probably would never have done. Jump. I jumped out the window and ran as fast as I could joining the crowd headed towards somewhere that we hoped would be safe. I turned around one last time to see the same titan holding the body of my father with a disgusting and wicked smile. What disgusted me more was the fact that I was intrigued by it's face and the faces of my dead parents.

I saw my other parent be eaten by titan. It's eyes held a craving for more and started walking towards us. The only thing I was thankful for at that moment was the fact that it was slow and I was much faster than it. Unfortunately I was too dsitracted and tripped over a dead body under a piece of Wall Maria. People were ignoring me and were trampling over me. This was precious time for the titan to catch up with me. That's when I saved by a soldier. A soldier part of the Garrison. He held onto me and told me that I was going to be okay.

I remember him throwing me into a boat with many other people and gave me a salute. A true salute of a soldier. I called out to asking why he wasn't on the boat and he just smiled sadly and turned away to prevent the others from trying to get on the now full ship with one too many passengers.

From that moment on I wanted to become one of them. I wanted to kill the titans. I wanted to see what other faces they could make, and what other faces others could make. No not just faces, their gestures too. I wanted to see so much more. So I started with drawing the faces of my lifeless faces when I had stabbed. I felt so much remorse that it was hard to feel anything and I promised myself I would never tell anyone. I was only nine.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 Drawings and Such

It's been five years after the fall of Wall Maria and the deaths of my parents. Since then I've started training to become a soldier and graduate as one of the top ten. Well eleven I guess. I tied with Jean Kirchstein. They said I had excellent skills and tactics that was almost equivalent to Annie Leonhardt, but I got distracted too easily forcing me to drop down a couple ranks. I honestly don't care about my rank though. It's not in my intentions to join the military police. I want to join the Survey Corps for it's the place where I can see and experience the most.

My sketch book only has a few pages filled out. One of my parents, one of the titan I encountered up close, and one for some of the people in my class. Other drawings are safely stored in between the pages of the book on paper that I had stolen or obtained here and there. I haven't let anyone look at it and I don't think I'll ever let anyone look it.

I'm currently holding this book and watching Eren's trial paying absolutely no attention to words being spoken. Instead I'm paying close attention to the faces around me. The trial was merely about whether they should kill Eren or not because he can turn into a titan and all, but that's of no concern to me. What I honestly think is that they should just let Eren live, to kill such an advantage is just going to make matters with the titans worse. Such a simple sight is taken to such high extremes that it's boring and a waste of my time.

Then something happened that snapped me out of my boredom. A higherup, a superior, the greatest soldier of mankind kicked Eren right in the face knocking out a tooth. Now this is what I signed up for. He began beating him more and my eyes lit in excitement. By the time he stopped, I was leaning over the edge of the railing with eyes that wanted more of a show.

"Cadet," the great soldier called out looking over his shoulder, "are you done gawking like that? You'll fall over the edge."

Everyone looked at me and I quickly collected myself and said with a blush, "Y-yes sir. Forgive me."

"Tch," was his only reply and he continued to kick Eren.

"R-Rivaille," came the quivering voice of one of the men on the "opposing side." "What is he gets angry and turns into a titan?"

"Weren't you going to dissect him?" Captain Rivaille rebuttaled hold Eren by his hair.

What an interesting gesture. He's kind of like our old instructor when he held Connie Springer by his ears, but much more violent. Neither of them like to smile. I don't think they've ever smiled before in their entire lives! It is also quite strange how similar the two are in gesture, but so different in expression. It's true that both Commander Shadis and Commander Rivaille are intimidating, but they express this very different manners. Call me crazy, but Commander Shadis is actually very comical. To me he's hilarious, but Rivaille is so much more differnet.

My thoughts jumped from one to another entertaining me and allowing me to slip into my own world again. I looked up from my thoughts to see Eren's blood everywhere and Rivaille still talking. His blood reminded me of five years ago. My parent's dead bodies flashed before my eyes and how I killed them. Panic settled over me.

_Not this again, _I thought to myself.

My breaths became shallow and and I hunched over a little. I wanted to scream at everyone to get out, but that obviously wasn't a great idea. I also wanted to confess to the judge that I was a murderer, but that also didn't appease the situation.

"Cadet," came low and stern voice. "Cadet!"

I shot my head up and saw Corporal Rivaille and Commander Erwin Smith standing in front of me.

"Rivaille, don't be so harsh," Commander Smith said cooly. "Are you alright cadet?"

"Y-yes," I replied trying to control my breathing. "It happens all the time."

"Alright then," with that they both left.

Then that was when I realized I was alone. The entire courtroom was empty and I was the only one standing there. It would always be like this. Just me. Isn't funny how emotions work? How instantaneous they are? Isn't weird how when you're young you romanticize being alone, but in reality it's a cruel thing?

"Cadet," came the familiar voice of Corporal Rivaille. "What are you still doing here? Get out."

"Yes sir!" I exclaimed and rushing out.

During the process of walking past the corporal I slipped and my sketch book fell out of my hands. The papers floated to the ground gracefully, but I didn't fall at all. A strong arm was snaked around my waist. I knew it was Corporal Rivaille, but I didn't turn around. I was too scared. I had made a fool of myself in front of him yet again and I'd have to be around him soon. Another quick emotion switch from lonely to embarrassed as fuck.

"What the fuck, cadet," he sighed out. "I thought you were top ten material. I guess I thought wrong."

Oh God. I then slipped out of his arms and quickly; turned, bowed, and apologized frantically.

"O-Oh my God!" I began. "I-I'm so sorry corporal. I-i-it won't happen again. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Oh God-"

"Cadet!" he interuppted me. "It's fine, I'll expect more from you next time. Now, let me help you pick these papers up. It's mess. I expected better organization skills."

"No!" I exclaimed.

He raised his eyebrows as a sign of shock.

"I mean," I started, "I can do it myself. I've caused you enough trouble already sir."

"I don't know what you're hiding, cadet," he said, "but those drawings don't seem like anything confidential to me."

I blushed and hurriedly gathered everything in my arms and gave a sloppy salute before turning around power walking out of the courtroom witha flustered face.

_Shit, _I began thinking to myself. _Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. He saw. Maybe I should join the Military Police. ARRGH! That was so fucking embarrassing. Fuck. Breathe Paxton. You're going to okay. You just need some space. You're going to join the Survery Corps and you'll see the world and capture as much as you can. You may be tiny, but you've got a big dream and you're not going to let the corporal scare you away from your dream. Right? Ugh, fuck._

"Cadet Lynne" came a strong, yet kind voice.

I turned around to see Commander Smith standing right behind me with the most gentle and fatherlike smile I've ever seen in my life. A smile like my father's when he was alive and not happy. When he wasn't bleeding on the ground as titan food.

"Cadet," Commander Erwin called out once again. "Shadis said you were easily distracted."

"I'm sorry, sir" I aoplogized pathetically. "I can't help it sometimes."

"I see. Have you decided which legion you'll be joining?"

"Oh, I've known for quite a while, sir."

"Oh really now? And which would you be joining?"

"The Survey Corps, sir."

"Hm. I don't do this often, but why don't you get a head start ? Along with your fellow classmate, Eren Jaeger?"

"Pardon my rudeness, but may I ask why?"

"I've been informed of your talent in drawing by Mr. Jaeger. It may be a lot to ask from you, but I want soldiers to be remembered with true images. So that we all have something to hold on to. I wanted you get an early start with our Special Operations Group."

_What the hell?! That mother-fucking Eren must've gotten to it somehow._

I felt one eye twitch in disbelief.

"So then, are you up to the challenge cadet?" Commander Smith asked sticking out a hand for me to shake.

By this time Corporal Rivaille had caught up to Commander Smith and was standing right next to him with eyes piercing right through me almost making me feel like I had no choice. So I took Commander Smith's hand and shook it in agreement.

"I'll do my best sir," I assured.

"I'm sure you will," he encouraged. "Why don't you come with us then?"

All I did was nod and followed suit. Eventually we ended up in a room with Eren, Erwin Smith, Rivaille, some guy named Mike Zacharius (he sniffed me...), and another woman named Hanji Zoe. I wanted to ask Eren how he knew about my drawings, but what I wanted to say couldn't be fathomed into actual speech. Until he finally started up a conversation while being tended to.

"Paxton," he began. "Um. What are you doing here?"

"Oh I've been asked to do a task that was caused by you," I replied slightly bitterly. "Hey Eren. How did you know about my drawings?"

"Huh? Oh. Ahhaha. Long story. Um, Jean dared me to go and steal your diary before graduation, so I kind of snuck into your cabin and took it for a while. You're really good. I think you drew everyone pretty spot on."

I blushed and gave him my thanks.

"Tch," was the sound that echoed through my ears from the none other than the corporal.

Most everyone laughed at Rivaille's sort of childish behavior, then everything seemed to just blur past me. Then Commander Smith told Eren that he was looking forward to working with him before turning to me and saying the same. After came a loud thud of Corporal Rivaille's hand on the the couch in the process of sitting down next to me to apologize to Eren for beating him up.

"N-No sir," Eren assured politely. "I understand why it must be done."

"Thank goodness," he replied not looking the slightest bit relieved or anything in that matter. "Oh and Paxton, you left this on the ground. I forgot to hand it back to you."

He handed me a piece of paper with a drawing on it. My drawing. It was of my mother's beautiful face that I had never inherited. The face that made me envy her, but also love her so much. I remember her long black hair, flawless pale skin, and deep storm grey eyes. I remember how it was me that dyed her hair red with her own blood and took the life out of those grey eyes. My heart twisted in guilt and I think my face contorted a little. The room was silent and the air was as tense as the my grip on the photo. I then crumpled the drawing up and got up out of my seat and walked towards the nearest trash can and threw the piece of paper in.

"Paxton what are you doing?" Eren asked surprisedly. "Who was she anyways? She looked a lot like you. Was that your mother? Wow you look exactly like her! Is she-"

"Eren," Rivaille stopped him.

I've never cried in front of anyone before and I don't know how it happened it just did. I think it was Eren's verb change from "was" to "is" or maybe it was just the thought of my mother. Before I could even feel embarrassed I exited the room and stood outside the door with a hand over my mouth to keep myself from making pitiful sounds, but was failing miserably. Through the door I could hear Eren try to get up, but someone stopped him. Thank you to whoever that was. No could see me then. I don't think I'm cut out for human interaction. I'm not cut out for a lot things.


End file.
